How to die in a lift, guaranteed!

How to freak people out or get your teeth knocked out in a Kenyan lift.

1) If the lift arrives at the ground floor, step aside to let ladies get in but immediatly they start getting inside, click and mumble something incoherent.

2) If your phone rings inside the lift, let it ring all the way to the chorus then pick and say, "My apologies. I was on another phonecall."

3) If it stops on some floor and you see a crowd of people outside, stand by the lift door and say, "Wawili Kangemi, Wa haraka wa haraka!"

4) When the lift stops, say a loud DING! and when a person is about to get out say a big VROOM!

5) Pick up your phone, then dial a number, wait for a few seconds then say, "... No am in the lift actually. The one that killed a guy last year!"

6) If you are going down, and the lift stops on more than two floors, wait for it to stop again and after people get in, say "Hii lift mekuwa city hoppa. Disgusting! Inabeba just about everyone!"

7) Cough a number of times. Then stop. Then cough again, louder this time. Then pick out your phone, dial a number then say, "Pamela, tell everyone I'll not come in today. My TB just got worse!"

8) Fart loudly and then say while holding your nostrils, "Wacheni tabia mbaya! Si nyinyi ni watu wazima!"

9) If you are chatting with a friend, insist on demonstrating every part of the conversation with real actions, including the fighting!

10) When the lift is moving, pretend to be the most serious guy, then Whenever the lift doors open, straighten up, stand at attention and start singing the national anthem loudly!

11) Take out a cigarette and with the most innocent look on your face, ask the lady nearest to you for a light.

12) Last but not lest, get in with a briefcase and when the doors shut, start jumping up and saying, "...in the name of Allah, DEATH TO THE INFIDELS." Then throw the briefcase up and sleep flat on the lift's floor. EVERYONE WILL FOLLOW SUIT! Then when it doesnt go off, they will beat you to a pulp!