This little boy hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.
As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.
After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.
After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"
The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.
The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.
The man reluctantly agrees.
After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.
The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say."
The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car.
The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said, "Boy it's dark in here", to which the priest replied, "Don't start that shit again!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Kids Say The Dandest Things
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"(and it would be in pounds of course)
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"(and it would be in pounds of course)
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
No curvy mannequins in shop windows
TEHRAN, TUESDAY
Iranian police warned shopkeepers not to use mannequins without headscarves or which exposed body curves, official news agency IRNA reported.
"Using unusual mannequins exposing the body curves and with the heads without Hijabs (Muslim veil) are prohibited to be used in the shops," Iran’s moral security police in charge of Islamic dress codes said in a statement carried by IRNA.
Iranian police have stepped up a crackdown on women and men, boutiques and small companies which fail to enforce strict religious dress codes since 2005.
The measures are the latest in a countrywide campaign against Western cultural influences in the Islamic Republic.
"Both showing necktie and bow tie behind the windows ... and (the) selling (of) women’s underwear by men are prohibited," said the police statement.
In the past, crackdowns tended to be launched at the start of Iran’s hot summers and petered out soon after. But last year they extended into winter and included a drive against tight women’s trousers and even men with spiky "Western" hairstyles.
Iranian police warned shopkeepers not to use mannequins without headscarves or which exposed body curves, official news agency IRNA reported.
"Using unusual mannequins exposing the body curves and with the heads without Hijabs (Muslim veil) are prohibited to be used in the shops," Iran’s moral security police in charge of Islamic dress codes said in a statement carried by IRNA.
Iranian police have stepped up a crackdown on women and men, boutiques and small companies which fail to enforce strict religious dress codes since 2005.
The measures are the latest in a countrywide campaign against Western cultural influences in the Islamic Republic.
"Both showing necktie and bow tie behind the windows ... and (the) selling (of) women’s underwear by men are prohibited," said the police statement.
In the past, crackdowns tended to be launched at the start of Iran’s hot summers and petered out soon after. But last year they extended into winter and included a drive against tight women’s trousers and even men with spiky "Western" hairstyles.
Five things a player will never say
A successful pickup artist is typically endowed with the gift of gab, but thanks to time and experience, he carefully selects what chitchat he makes. To the receptive girl, it always sounds smooth and casual — never forced and never strained, and it will lead almost any woman to relax in mere minutes.
Always remember: Players would never say anything to compromise those aforementioned ideals.
Here are some things a player will never say, much less mean:
• "I love you"
A Don Juan arrives with a bang and sneaks out as quietly as possible
It’s a predictable No. 1, but all the critical women out there should realise that avoiding this heartfelt statement saves you a great deal of stress and pain.
As the player has no enemies — male or female — and he frowns on manipulation and deception, he isn’t about to toy with a woman’s heart just to satisfy his base desires.
• "I don’t care — whatever you want to do"
At no point is a player disinterested in his partner’s hobbies and activities, and at no point does he relinquish all control of the situation. There’s a reason why you typically only hear this statement from married or committed men; men who have already accepted their fate and have lost all interest in the proceedings.
The ladies’ man is always interested in hearing a woman’s suggestions for plans and he’s never a doormat, as he understands the ceaseless female desire for avid communication.
• "This is way too expensive"
He may think it, but he’d never say it. Having money certainly isn’t a prerequisite for all aspiring players (although it helps), but one should never flaunt his lack of funds as it includes far too many negative implications.
Even if she’s aware the man has money, she’ll assume he’s cheap, or if she’s the high-maintenance type, she’ll probably disappear before he can turn around twice.
• "Wanna have sex?"
Despite popular opinion among feminists, the player exhibits a certain amount of class and sophistication at all times. Not only is this ridiculous question crass and adolescent in nature, it also shows nothing in the way of tact and good breeding — both of which are required traits for any legitimate ladies’ man. On top of which, the observational and social talent of the player allows him to accurately assess the situation; if she’s ready to go, he knows it. The transition from discussion to sex should be seamless and even wordless.
• "Sorry, I don’t have a condom"
Yeah, right. The player who hits the night scene without a condom isn’t a player at all. A ladies’ man can snag a woman at any given time. It doesn’t always happen in the standard, traditional locations; it could happen in an elevator, a parked car or a restaurant bathroom. Who knows? The point is, a player is always prepared, and furthermore, he’s always safe. The lifestyle is appealing and exciting , but it can also be dangerous.
Always remember: Players would never say anything to compromise those aforementioned ideals.
Here are some things a player will never say, much less mean:
• "I love you"
A Don Juan arrives with a bang and sneaks out as quietly as possible
It’s a predictable No. 1, but all the critical women out there should realise that avoiding this heartfelt statement saves you a great deal of stress and pain.
As the player has no enemies — male or female — and he frowns on manipulation and deception, he isn’t about to toy with a woman’s heart just to satisfy his base desires.
• "I don’t care — whatever you want to do"
At no point is a player disinterested in his partner’s hobbies and activities, and at no point does he relinquish all control of the situation. There’s a reason why you typically only hear this statement from married or committed men; men who have already accepted their fate and have lost all interest in the proceedings.
The ladies’ man is always interested in hearing a woman’s suggestions for plans and he’s never a doormat, as he understands the ceaseless female desire for avid communication.
• "This is way too expensive"
He may think it, but he’d never say it. Having money certainly isn’t a prerequisite for all aspiring players (although it helps), but one should never flaunt his lack of funds as it includes far too many negative implications.
Even if she’s aware the man has money, she’ll assume he’s cheap, or if she’s the high-maintenance type, she’ll probably disappear before he can turn around twice.
• "Wanna have sex?"
Despite popular opinion among feminists, the player exhibits a certain amount of class and sophistication at all times. Not only is this ridiculous question crass and adolescent in nature, it also shows nothing in the way of tact and good breeding — both of which are required traits for any legitimate ladies’ man. On top of which, the observational and social talent of the player allows him to accurately assess the situation; if she’s ready to go, he knows it. The transition from discussion to sex should be seamless and even wordless.
• "Sorry, I don’t have a condom"
Yeah, right. The player who hits the night scene without a condom isn’t a player at all. A ladies’ man can snag a woman at any given time. It doesn’t always happen in the standard, traditional locations; it could happen in an elevator, a parked car or a restaurant bathroom. Who knows? The point is, a player is always prepared, and furthermore, he’s always safe. The lifestyle is appealing and exciting , but it can also be dangerous.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Think you are clever?
Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. You can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil or paper! OK?
Let's find out just how smart and clever you really are.
Ready? ...
GO!!!
FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
LAST QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: Nunu? Nana? Nene? NO NO! Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.
Let's find out just how smart and clever you really are.
Ready? ...
GO!!!
FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
LAST QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ANSWER: Nunu? Nana? Nene? NO NO! Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.
Infidelity, the order of the day!??????????????
Growing up,you get the idea that love is this wonderful thing that happens to you. Remember the fairy tales we used to read about the beautiful princess and the handsome prince? Those are books that I have come to absolutely loathe due to the mere fact that they are all lies!
Out here in the real world, people are just dealing with pain, heartache, disappointments, regret, hate, jelousy...this list can go on till tomorrow coz so many emotions come out especially when someone has been betrayed... which happens more times than we would like.
Men today are likened to dogs while their female counterparts...bitches. and all in the name of what?They just can't be satisfied with having one partner. In this day and age infidelity is the order of the day.Men cheating on their wives with that cute secretary from the office, women cheating on their husbands with the houseboy or the milkman...it can be anyone!!
The amazing part is that nobody cares.Whether they get caught or not it doesnt really matter coz at the end of the day they have already had their fun. Which then causes me to ask this question - which by the way I think cannot possibly have a positive answer- Does love really exist?? I mean you see couples get married and think they will live happily ever after only to hear 3years down the line that they are seperated or divorced or one killed the other in the dead of night...and all you can ask yourself is what happened?they seemed so much in love!
Wouldnt it be nice if marriages these days lasted as long as those of our forefathers....but then again isnt that kind of boring? Now try to understand where am coming from...today people have to constantly feel they are being entertained otherwise they get bored and thats one of the reasons why infidelity seems like the next best thing if you are bored in a relationship, once you start, there's no turning back.
I know am diverting abit from what I had set out to discuss but bare with me because you know what, I think love is simply overated. But one thing I wonder is this why is it that we get hurt more than enough times but we still continue to believe that maybe just maybe we will find love with the next guy that takes a second glance at us.
So before you get yourself into another meaningless relationship ask yourself whether the hurt is really worth the effort...coz at the end of the day, chances are that you will be drowning your sorrows alone once you have found out that you were the other woman or man!But remember, at the end of the day, the heart wants what it wants!!
Out here in the real world, people are just dealing with pain, heartache, disappointments, regret, hate, jelousy...this list can go on till tomorrow coz so many emotions come out especially when someone has been betrayed... which happens more times than we would like.
Men today are likened to dogs while their female counterparts...bitches. and all in the name of what?They just can't be satisfied with having one partner. In this day and age infidelity is the order of the day.Men cheating on their wives with that cute secretary from the office, women cheating on their husbands with the houseboy or the milkman...it can be anyone!!
The amazing part is that nobody cares.Whether they get caught or not it doesnt really matter coz at the end of the day they have already had their fun. Which then causes me to ask this question - which by the way I think cannot possibly have a positive answer- Does love really exist?? I mean you see couples get married and think they will live happily ever after only to hear 3years down the line that they are seperated or divorced or one killed the other in the dead of night...and all you can ask yourself is what happened?they seemed so much in love!
Wouldnt it be nice if marriages these days lasted as long as those of our forefathers....but then again isnt that kind of boring? Now try to understand where am coming from...today people have to constantly feel they are being entertained otherwise they get bored and thats one of the reasons why infidelity seems like the next best thing if you are bored in a relationship, once you start, there's no turning back.
I know am diverting abit from what I had set out to discuss but bare with me because you know what, I think love is simply overated. But one thing I wonder is this why is it that we get hurt more than enough times but we still continue to believe that maybe just maybe we will find love with the next guy that takes a second glance at us.
So before you get yourself into another meaningless relationship ask yourself whether the hurt is really worth the effort...coz at the end of the day, chances are that you will be drowning your sorrows alone once you have found out that you were the other woman or man!But remember, at the end of the day, the heart wants what it wants!!
And the humorous guy award goes to...
I dont know about you but as far as I am concerned, the humorous guy award for the year 2008 should go to one guy called Robert Mugabe. This guy is funnier than anyone I have ever seen or heard. And the reasons are many and diverse.
The one that takes the biscuit is the fact that he gave Morgan Tsvangirai the fisheroes ministry as his cabinet docket. It doesnt sound funny until you look at Zimbabwe and realize it is landlocked and the only two important rivers on it, Zambezi and Limpopo are on the edges of the country. And the big lake on the country is man-made from a hydro-electric power dam!
And that he gave to the guy who they are supposed to be sharing power with. That my friends, qualifies him as mr-funny-guy 2008!
The one that takes the biscuit is the fact that he gave Morgan Tsvangirai the fisheroes ministry as his cabinet docket. It doesnt sound funny until you look at Zimbabwe and realize it is landlocked and the only two important rivers on it, Zambezi and Limpopo are on the edges of the country. And the big lake on the country is man-made from a hydro-electric power dam!
And that he gave to the guy who they are supposed to be sharing power with. That my friends, qualifies him as mr-funny-guy 2008!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)