Monday, March 15, 2010

young entrepreneurs

This little boy hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.

After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"

The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.

The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.

The man reluctantly agrees.

After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.

The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say."

The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car.

The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said, "Boy it's dark in here", to which the priest replied, "Don't start that shit again!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Kids Say The Dandest Things

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"(and it would be in pounds of course)

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

No curvy mannequins in shop windows

TEHRAN, TUESDAY

Iranian police warned shopkeepers not to use mannequins without headscarves or which exposed body curves, official news agency IRNA reported.

"Using unusual mannequins exposing the body curves and with the heads without Hijabs (Muslim veil) are prohibited to be used in the shops," Iran’s moral security police in charge of Islamic dress codes said in a statement carried by IRNA.

Iranian police have stepped up a crackdown on women and men, boutiques and small companies which fail to enforce strict religious dress codes since 2005.

The measures are the latest in a countrywide campaign against Western cultural influences in the Islamic Republic.

"Both showing necktie and bow tie behind the windows ... and (the) selling (of) women’s underwear by men are prohibited," said the police statement.

In the past, crackdowns tended to be launched at the start of Iran’s hot summers and petered out soon after. But last year they extended into winter and included a drive against tight women’s trousers and even men with spiky "Western" hairstyles.

Five things a player will never say

A successful pickup artist is typically endowed with the gift of gab, but thanks to time and experience, he carefully selects what chitchat he makes. To the receptive girl, it always sounds smooth and casual — never forced and never strained, and it will lead almost any woman to relax in mere minutes. 

Always remember: Players would never say anything to compromise those aforementioned ideals. 

Here are some things a player will never say, much less mean:

• "I love you"


A Don Juan arrives with a bang and sneaks out as quietly as possible

It’s a predictable No. 1, but all the critical women out there should realise that avoiding this heartfelt statement saves you a great deal of stress and pain. 

As the player has no enemies — male or female — and he frowns on manipulation and deception, he isn’t about to toy with a woman’s heart just to satisfy his base desires. 

• "I don’t care — whatever you want to do"

At no point is a player disinterested in his partner’s hobbies and activities, and at no point does he relinquish all control of the situation. There’s a reason why you typically only hear this statement from married or committed men; men who have already accepted their fate and have lost all interest in the proceedings. 

The ladies’ man is always interested in hearing a woman’s suggestions for plans and he’s never a doormat, as he understands the ceaseless female desire for avid communication. 

• "This is way too expensive"

He may think it, but he’d never say it. Having money certainly isn’t a prerequisite for all aspiring players (although it helps), but one should never flaunt his lack of funds as it includes far too many negative implications. 

Even if she’s aware the man has money, she’ll assume he’s cheap, or if she’s the high-maintenance type, she’ll probably disappear before he can turn around twice. 

• "Wanna have sex?"

Despite popular opinion among feminists, the player exhibits a certain amount of class and sophistication at all times. Not only is this ridiculous question crass and adolescent in nature, it also shows nothing in the way of tact and good breeding — both of which are required traits for any legitimate ladies’ man. On top of which, the observational and social talent of the player allows him to accurately assess the situation; if she’s ready to go, he knows it. The transition from discussion to sex should be seamless and even wordless. 

• "Sorry, I don’t have a condom"

Yeah, right. The player who hits the night scene without a condom isn’t a player at all. A ladies’ man can snag a woman at any given time. It doesn’t always happen in the standard, traditional locations; it could happen in an elevator, a parked car or a restaurant bathroom. Who knows? The point is, a player is always prepared, and furthermore, he’s always safe. The lifestyle is appealing and exciting , but it can also be dangerous.